Tales From 4476

So, last night, I had my first ever encounter with a high customer. This lady had come in around midnight, and apparently shopped for nearly 4 hours. I was the only cashier scheduled (which naturally occurred because the regional VP is supposed to visit today), and my CSM (customer service manager) was on his lunch break. At 3:50 a.m., she decides she's ready to check out. At this time, I'm bust running what little freight we receive up front (batteries, lighters, candy, etc.). I see her approaching my register with her cart full of what looks like something from every department. About 80% of her cart was clothes, which made me cry inwardly because I hate ringing up clothing. So she plunks everything on the belt and tells me to let her know when the total reaches $100. I rang up her stuff, and alerted her that her total had reached $98.84. She went on babbling about asking me if I could do a credit charge with her driver's license, because she didn't have her credit card with her, claiming that Burger King had done it. It was at this time that I knew she was stoned out of her mind. I said, "No, but if you have the account number, expiration date, and security code written down somewhere, I can do it manually." She said she'd have to go to her car to get this information. So she left, and I waited for about 5 minutes before going outside to check the parking lot for her, and I didn't see her. This bitch straight up left a cart full of crap (including milk) behind and never came back. At first I was pretty pissed, because I knew I was going to have to put all that shit back, but luckily my CSM told me not to worry about it.


A few nights ago, I had the joy of dealing with a man who really fucking needed his batteries like OMG right now. Now, it's important that you know that, being a 24-hour store, the system that the registers operate on has to reset for the next days' sales at midnight. We can't begin ringing up until 12:01. Also, we have to reset the cash drawer, which basically involves putting the new bills and coins in there appropriate place. The process takes about 2 minutes. I was on register 5, and my co-worker was on 6. This dude started off in line at 6, with 4-5 other folks ahead of him. I had come back from my break and opened 5, and this dude rushed over to my line, where I then informed him of the fact that he'd have to wait a minute while the system reset itself. He huffed a sigh, then ran back over to 6. I was like, "Seriously, going to another line isn't gonna solve your problem." Our CSM sent my co-worker on her break, so she closed her register and left. Battery Dude runs back over to my line and says "You're determined to make me wait the whole 5 minutes, aren't you?" all distressed like. Dude it's midnight. What the hell could you possibly need your 9 volt batteries so bad for? Wait, maybe I don't want to know.

What I wanted to say: Yes sir, I quite enjoy watching you squirm in line like you're about to piss yourself. It's a vast conspiracy set forth by Home Office, and we associates gladly participate in such activities.

What I actually said: Sir, it was only going to take a minute.

And so I rang him up without further fanfare, fighting the urge to go off on him for getting an attitude with me for basically no reason whatsoever (also I was grumpy as this was my 6th night in a row working). After I cashed him out, he took his precious batteries and ran off, hopefully he heard my oh-so-sarcastic "Have a good night, SIR."


Dear Two Redneck Teenagers In Line: I do not care why you're guying condoms. I did not assume that you were a gay couple, nor would I care if you were. No, I am more concerned as why, along with your condoms, you are also buying duct tape. That is what concerns me.