Confessions Part 2

So I've got half a bottle of Schmitt Söhne Riesling and Agalloch's "Not Unlike The Waves" on repeat. Let's see what comes out of my brain.

I really need to clean up my room. I have crap in here, some of it still boxed up, that I haven't touched since we moved in last August. It's bugging the shit out of me, but as usual I'm finding it hard to get motivated to sort through it and get rid of what needs to be gotten rid of.

Which makes me think this post should be about my bad habits, because we all have them, and what better time to reflect on them than 1:30 in the morning!

First off, I procrastinate like a mofo. I've always done it. Granted, not with important things like making payments or getting Leroy in for his state inspection, but with other stuff, like housework. I'll be all "Yeah, totally gonna clean the bathroom today." Then I'm like, "Gonna do it after I watch this movie." Then it's "Gonna do it after I play Deus Ex!" Before I know it, it's 8:00 a.m., I'm dead tired from being up since 2 p.m. the previous day, and I'm like "Screw it, I'm gonna go to bed!" I procrastinated my way through school and community college. But I did get my work done; in that respect it was like I worked better under pressure.

I have a temper. Granted, I have a very long fuse, but when it finally get to the end, well, I don't even know how to describe it. It's scary. I've only gotten that way twice in my nearly 26 years, and it scared the shit out of me (and obviously the person on the other end). The absolute worst thing you can do is back me into a corner. I hazard to guess the only good thing that came of it was that the other person realized how wrong they had been, and apologized at some point. I guess sometimes it takes you chewing someone a new one for them to get it. :/ Oh and a warning, not that I truly believe in astrology, but being a Leo, I may forgive, but I don't forget. Not saying I hold grudges necessarily, but don't be an outright douche to me and then expect me to shake your hand afterwards.

I'm stubborn and hard-headed. But to an extent I know to pick my battles, and I know when I've lost one. I fought my co-manager on the whole electronics issue for 2 months. He basically lectured me one night, which I did NOT like, but eventually I grew to accept the way things are and were going to be. That doesn't mean I have to like it though. ;) Sometimes I still want to express my grievances regarding that (like him having another associate put out new releases who doesn't know how!), but I've come to realize that in this case, things will go more smoothly if I bite my lip...as painful as that may be for me.

I can get pretty irritable when I'm sick or in pain, although I suspect most people are like that when they're ill. I don't mean to be grouchy, but when you're sick for a few days or a week you get frustrated. Thankfully it's rare that I get legit sick.


I know I've been doing a lot of self analyzing since I started this, but it does help me. I've had difficulty accepting myself in the past because until now, it was as if nobody outside of my family accepted me. Actually, there are some family members that still don't accept me. But whatever...their problem, not mine. Yes, I'm insecure and socially awkward at times. I still struggle with self-confidence. But this has been good (and cheap) therapy for me.

Now that I've moved out and found an outlet, I'm slowly starting to know myself, my limitations, and most of all accept myself.